The Unsaid Pressure of being a Millenial Woman in India
It’s very difficult to put this out without sounding extremely complainant. The amount of gaslighting that women have had to face in every second conversation, around their homes, loved and trusted ones and friends is pretty tragic and extremely sneaky in our society. And ends up producing young powerful voices……… all crept up in doubt.
You might argue, but answer these questions for me:
How many times did you let go of a derogatory remark from a loved one, when you were least expecting it; just because you love that person?
How many times did you accept regressive statements held up on the other side of the argument because somewhere you actually felt like a victim and chose to ignore?
How many times did you accept it, when people said, woman empowerment is lesser of a serious issue than other issues such as climate change? (By the way read this http://www.unesco.org/new/en/natural-sciences/priority-areas/gender-and-science/cross-cutting-issues/climate-change-and-gender-equality/)
How many more times did you shut up being made to think that you are privileged because you were not a victim of genocide? (!!)
The latest allegation that I faced, was being blamed for being “too out there”, “too outspoken”, I should know when to “back off” and “understand” . Do you think a man is always pushed to be more “understanding”? Do you think that statements like these would encourage me to proudly say that I am Feminist? Or was it probably designed to make me say that I can chose to be whoever I want to be, but without a voice.
Such is the state of the society that sneakily supports women empowerment by “allowing” women to work, and take “lesser” family load compared to women from the previous generations (who were known to be submissive to the needs of their partners, families and children), but also ensures that women feel obliged with this minuscule progress and keep their voices ‘in control’?
Have you ever wondered, why is every woman leader so keen towards woman empowerment?
So the next obvious statement arises, How to stop or end this? And that’s where the reality hits, that this will not take anything less than constant persuasion, conversations and dialogues from women to lessen. As obvious as equal rights seem to us, it is equally unequal in the society today. The pandemic being the biggest depicter of this fact. The underrepresented number of women workers in healthcare, and front lines jobs, put the ones at the job at a much greater risk. A risk that the government or any one of us has failed to discuss at home. The bouldering responsibility of parenthood, daily chores and housework, while most homes couldn’t retain their respective househelps, is never spoken of;
And why is this so?
Where are the conversations about self care and self love at a time, when we all know, that husband/boyfriend washing dishes is considered a ‘boon’? Do you see the irony of the times? The problem is that we have accepted somethings that should be baseline in 2021.
We speak about domestic violence but when will we speak of gaslighting?
We speak of the horrendous affects of physical abuse but when will we speak about those of emotional abuse?
As Indian women, we need to speak up more often. About our challenges and pressures and responsibilities.
It’s time, that we empower ourselves, by realising that we are natural nurturers; and science, spirituality and history is proof of that. And embracing that is a woman’s biggest strength and internal support. The ability to understand, nurture, create and connect. Hence men and women bring different skills to the business table. But how much has the society ‘allowed’ women to come to the forefront and represent her strengths freely? Is her understandability just for circumstances when she has to compromise and make adjustments? Is her nurturing only for her own children and nobody else? Then does being verbal about these questions make one any less feminine? It is when we as women start having these conversations and questioning these hidden biases, and stop accepting ‘being allowed to work’; or ‘ being allowed to date’ as the pinnacle of woman empowerment; is when things will become pleasant for women in general.
Feminism: Why is there a dire need for feminism in the first place?
With leaders like Brene Brown, Louise Hay, Sheryl Sandberg, Ariana Huffington, it is time to put that emotional vulnerability forward and play it to our strengths. I have heard innumerable men speak ill of these women; saying things like, they’re hypocritical, or they didn’t stick to their word,; and at the same time taking their examples when there is a debate about lack of women in leadership roles; “Hey, It’s not that India is regressive, I mean we were a nation led by a woman prime minister for so long. So it’s not that things aren’t changing “. (13% participation of women in the indian parliament!!) {Have you ever wondered, why is every woman leader so keen towards woman empowerment? }
These hypocritical and regressive thoughts live and breathe and engage around us (women), because we have allowed them to. And it is time to contribute towards changing that.
How many times have you been witness to statements like these?
“This is too serious a topic, let’s discuss it later”
“Not sure if every argument about woman empowerment is relevant at a time when women leaders are killing it”
“Oh this is a completely different issue, could you bring this up later?”
“At a broader scale, I support women, but bringing this empowerment theory all the time isn’t really necessary”
“Yeah, I totally forgot there could be a ‘woman angle’ to this issue”
I assure you most of the times you would be discouraged; but at the end of the day, who’s responsibility is it to keep these conversations going?
Women share and communicate. And when you take that away from them, it weakens them. Then who will tell the regressive teacher, that told your daughter to keep quiet and sit and behave properly!? And that girls ‘should’ do this and love pink, and be beautiful, and paint their faces, and be soft spoken etc??
What an empowered world that would be where the mother maker aware her children of the supremely regressive atmosphere towards women.
Tell me one woman who has been rebellious and outspoken and has been only admirable from history… has not been called out as crazy, or any connotation synonymous to ‘too much’? People couldn’t spare Rani Lakshmibai. Bhagat Singh never shared the reputation. Moresover, I have seen boys make comments at strong girls in a teasing manner calling them Rani Lakshmibai.
Shouldn’t that answer the question of which gender today runs the society that I speak of?
